Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Mom doesn't need no stinking flowers or candy

It’s nearly Mother’s Day!

Yep, time to reflect on the wonderful women who brought us into the world, wiped our snot, cleaned our diapers, broke up our fights with our siblings and always, always miraculously  had in her purse whatever was needed for whatever baby emergency we caused.

Even murderers have mothers, and to these mothers, the feral beast in incarceration is still her little boy. That’s why sports heroes always say, “Hi, Mom” when in front of cameras. That’s why sailors in the war had “Mom” tattoos.  

Yes, without mothers, we would not have been at all, and you wouldn’t be there not reading the words I would not have been here to write.

But we tend to forget important things, like anniversaries and birthdays, and this leads to hurt feelings and angst and consternation and other words that connote unhappiness and discontent.

This is where the advertisers come to our rescue.

So with Mother’s Day approaching, the airwaves are inundated with ads and commercials not just reminding us of this anointed day of wonderfulness, but suggesting ways we might show our love.  Flowers and candy, of course, lead the way, but here are two other suggestions making the airwaves:

The Squatty Potty: What a great way to show Mom you appreciate all those times she wiped your little chubby baby butt?  And it’s made in America! Just like you, unless you weren’t, in which case this sentence made no sense.

But everyone knows that a mother would fiercely defend her baby from danger or a dangerous attacker. So now that you’re grown up, it’s Mom that needs protection, so what better than the Tigerlady Self-Defense Claw. It’s like your Mom morphed into the family tabby with retractable claws, capable of capturing the DNA of the attacker, assuming your Mom left anything left of the attacker to prosecute.

Two lovely practical gifts to illustrate how much you truly appreciate and cherish the woman who brought you into this world.



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